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Your readers shouldn't make jokes at the expense of Mr Floor. It's beneath them.

Why is Mr Floor shivering? It's a bit parquet.

What's Mr Floor's favourite 80s rock anthem? The Vinyl Countdown.

Sorry about these, I can't resist.

Mr Floor's been in trouble with the police. They gave him a carpeting.

Mr Floor's a bit the worse for wear. He's been out on the tiles.

Okay, I'll stop now.

Please carry on, both of you. The 'floor' is yours.

I've thought of one!

Why did Mr Floor go out of business? Too many overheads!

Mr Floor isn't keen on interlocking slabs of lino. It's just his tile.

Let me try that again:


Mr Floor isn't keen on interlocking slabs of lino. They're just not his tile.

No, the moment's gone. Damn.

It remains a fine joke and it is actually a privilege to have been able to watch it evolve from the draft stage, rather like looking into a great artist's sketch book.

Mr Floor seems rather morose and tetchy. Perhaps he just needs to get laid.

I apologise. It just seemed that someone ought to say it.

Mr Floor was considering some fruit, but felt it didn't look quite ripe enough. 'I'm not sure about that lime's tone,' he mused.

There is something very special happening here.

Mr Floor went to his GP as he was feeling worn out. "Get a gripper yourself Mr Floor", the Doctor said, "You just need a decent nap".

Why does Mr Floor have a lot of square shoes?

Because he needs to cover a lot of square feet!


(Does that work?)

It works beautifully, Mr Tweets.

Mr Floor's children are off to school, by the way. They board, naturally.

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